Boy Do I Have a Story for You!

So the next race in the 2012 lineup was the Hornell Shamrock 5k. Not a remarkable race for me, I did a fairly good job, considering my standard. I will say, I was overdressed, so I was VERY warm at the end. This doesn't usually happen here. Snow, cold, rain...these are our usual running buddies for this particular race. But this day was warm and sunny, and a beautiful day to "race." Because there isn't much to tell about this race, I thought I would tell about me, and my current state of affairs. Yes, I am time traveling again, because you say, "How can we talk about current, when we are back here in March 2012?" Stick with me, and sorry about the jet lag.

I went to see a new Dr (chiropractor) this past Thursday, AND my primary care Dr went to a new office, so I get a new PC too. When I go to a new Dr, I begin to wonder what I am doing. Is is worth the time, to tell my history? Will I be able to convince them that I need their help? Will I be able to convince them to listen to me? To trust that I know what is going on? Will they think I am over-reacting, or under-reacting (is that a word?) Will they advise me to do something that I won't be able too? Or to take something I don't want to? Will they be a good Dr? <---That is something we can all relate to. Well this is the story of me, as I would tell it to a new Dr. I hope by the end of it, that you will have an understanding of the complexity of things that reside under the umbrella Fibromyalgia. Because this disease (I call it that, because it causes PLENTY of dis-ease in my life and body,) this disease has many faces, and all of them are ugly.

The obvious place to start would be the pain and fatigue. The pain is sort of a double sided coin. There is the neurological pain, the miscommunication or nerve dysfunction, which I can describe very simply ~ When I peel hard boiled eggs, it feels like the shells are slicing my fingers open. OR when I take something out of the freezer, the cold is almost unbearable to the touch, stabbing straight through to my bones. These are things that are not really hurting me, but tell that to my brain. (And there are plenty more example of this, daily.) Then there is the deep muscle pain, the real pain, often referred to as trigger points. So painful at times, I feel like a old lady, like I can not muster the ability to get up and walk even a few feet, yet sitting for too long is painful as well. Like when I lay down at night in my bed, and certain parts of my body are aching so badly, where they come into "pressure contact" with the bed, that I can not possibly sleep. Or even sitting in a car for a long ride...excruciating. You can then surmise that the fatigue sets in, and seems nearly constant. I admit to a very close relationship with caffeine. But there is also the fatigue you feel in your body, the complete wasted energy in muscles. I will come back to this, when discussing the true challenge this can prove, especially in completing marathons.

I will not go into the myriad medicines I have tried, which have not aided, or which have been a miracle, but I will say many fibro suffers are on heavy pain medicines, and even disability. I choose any method which helps me to get on with my daily life. I have struggles, but I am not disabled by this. I also do not take heavy meds, as I need to function, AND I like to be aware of the messages my body is sending, so I can cope with or fix as able. (If you are a sufferer and wish to know more about medicines, and supplements, please let me know, and I would be glad to elaborate with you.) I have chosen to combat this disease and it's carry-on baggage, because I have to, it's in my nature to fight.

So, piggy-back conditions. These are things that go along with Fibro, and many afflicted, have reported similarly.  Neuropathy, Cystitis, Sleep Apnea, Digestive Disorders, Inflammation, Allergies, Female Issues are some of the ones I fight with. The thing I would like to mention about almost all of these ongoing problems, is that each time, I had to work (sometimes for months, sometimes for years) VERY hard to get Drs to "listen" to me. Often times being misdiagnosed. Sometimes it required finding the right Dr or specialist to really figure out the cause of my pain. I am that much more trepidatious because of these experiences. But I can report that plenty of these conditions are being successfully monitored and treated, thanks to my tenacity, AND the understanding, compassion, guidance of others suffering, and the few and far between in the medical community that will work with, and care deeply about their patients.

So how does all this figure into racing? Well, some might think I am crazy to be doing what I do, with the symptoms, and disease that I have. I can tell you this, I'd be crazy not to. I am not a sit around and wait for The Reaper kind of girl. What I can tell you, is that it has proved beneficial, for healing my body, and brain. It has also proven to be challenging at times, because I need to pay very careful attention, to discern if the pain I am feeling is stress, neurological, or injurious. It has kept me in communication with my body. I am currently seeing the previously mentioned new Dr. (a chiropractor) because I may have ignored some pain signals a bit too much, pushed a bit too far, and am suffering more for it. We shall see?! For now, I shall carry on, as usual, because SNAFU is my pet name for Fibromyalgia.

Rewind ~ Time Travel

Ok, so here's the plan, I have to go back, to go forward. I know, you are thinking, "can't this chic ever do anything by the book?" Well, sometimes I do...

I set a goal for myself this year, that during my "good months" I was going to accomplish a certain # of races. THAT I did, actually more than that, so maybe I didn't follow that plan to the T either, but I digress...

My desire, was to blog about each race experience, training, challenges, triumphs, etc. and possibly "get noticed" out there in the "bloggity blog eats blog world." Why? So that people, who suffer from Fibromyalgia, can gain insight, and hope, through what I do. Plain and simple...I help people, it's one of many things I do. But as the last blog pointed out, I am a juggler, who "dropped the balls." Well I am here, I have picked up the balls, and am still working on technique, but I am going to do it my way, as usual. So back to the beginning we go. (See time travel IS possible.)

The year was 1986, I was 13 years old...OH WAIT...too far. Man I sure do love the 80's though...ok, enough.

My first race of the 2012 season, was The Old First Ward Shamrock Run 8k, in Buffalo, NY on March 3.  Sounded like a great place to start, for two reasons, I was going to do it with some of my friends, and there was a beer tent at the end, with UNLIMITED BEER. Seriously? Ooh, this was too good to be true, for my "fun" loving Irish self. Well, training didn't go as well as I hoped. It was still very cold (and snowy) here in WNY, as we didn't have much of an early winter, so I was relegated to the dreadmill. But I still felt ready for this distance when the day came, but as luck (bahahaha) would have it, we were unsure anyone was going to get to run the race. There was a wicked March wind blowing, 30-40 mph sustained, with gust up to 60mph. WHAT?! We are an ambitious (read crazy) lot, so we drove to Buffalo anyway. The parking lot we left the car in, had a run down building, telling us to turn back every time it's metal facade, half hanging off, clattered in the wind. In that same parking lot would be an SUV with it's two passenger side windows blown out. I KID YOU NOT! The race had to change it's course somewhat, due to a downed telephone pole. But we would not give up!!

How do I describe this race? Like running against The Hulk. Like lifting your frozen legs out of oatmeal, and kneeing The Hulk in the gut. There were times (mostly on bridges) when I screamed into the wind, and icy snow, and was reduced to a walk. Well, we finished the race. We got our complimentary "Embroidered Garment" a "shit brown" (credit to Kathy) fur lined, wind and water resistant coat (a very nice one, but you sense the irony here.) And we actually skipped the beer tent (a corral outside) for a nice warm, satisfying, delicious, trip to Pearl Street Brewing Co.

With all that being said, it doesn't seem like much of an encouraging post. On the contrary, I did it, and like child labor, your forget the challenging parts, and remember the pay off. And I was proud of myself, which has more healing power than anything you can EVER think of. What a great day that was!! Thanks to my running gal pals.

Fittness Training is a Ball

So this is the second of the three posts, entitled Near Death, Death, and Rebirth. This one then, is Death.

So I found out I am a juggler, not a true juggler in the physical sense, but a "juggler of tasks." Most Moms, and over achievers/multi-taskers in general are nodding their heads right now. I did not know exactly how many balls I had in the air, until one day, they all fell to the ground, like lead cannon balls.

About a month ago, my Dad started to drastically slip away from us, and eventually he passed on. On a Monday evening (after work,) I saw him, and sat with him, while my Mom had an obligation. I went home (70 miles away) that night around 9pm, sure that we would be without him soon. On Tuesday, he went into a Hospice House. On Wednesday, while my children where at school, I drove there, and sat with my Mom, and Sister. I came home to get the girls off the bus, and to take my oldest to her softball game that night. On Thursday, he was gone, I drove to see him, be with my family, then back home to get the girls off the bus, and attend another softball game. Friday was filled with making arrangements, then back home to get girls off the bus, and another softball game. Saturday, our band had a gig. Sunday we had out of town friends at our house. Then the calling hours, and services, with trips home and back each day. Girl Scouts end of year ceremony, and picnic, more softball (proud my daughter was chosen to be on the All Star Team,) and my husband having shoulder surgery. Do you see a pattern here? Do you know why I dropped some of the usual balls? It was all I could do, to keep up with my "must do" commitments, there was no time for the luxury balls, like cooking, cleaning, oh...and training.

So for three weeks, I did what I could to attend to everyone's needs, and make all the commitments I had occur. This is who I am. It is who I have always been. I struggle with taking care of myself. It will be the last thing I say yes to, when the list is so long I can hardly see the bottom. So, in essence, when my Dad died, so did my commitment to myself, and my training schedule. And the new saying in our house is, "When you say "yes" to one thing, you say "no" to another." How was the queen of saying "yes" going to get her mojo back?!

Well, I did...and that is the topic of the next post...Rebirth. 

The Battle of the Wills or the Hills

This is the first part of a three part blog I will post over the next three days.
This one shall be known as "Near Death"

On April 28th, I completed (barely,) The Flower City Challenge Duathlon, in Rochester, NY. At the time I signed up for the 5k, 20 mile bike, 5k, it seemed very doable, reasonable, and a honest progression for me, and my ability. I was actually excited to do this race. Well, little did I know how portentous the word "challenge" would turn out to be.
The day was a cold but clear 30F at the start. Anyone with Fibromyalgia knows what a challenge the cold can be for our muscles (and I will assume this is true of everyone to some degree.) Morning stiffness and pain is something I can address at another time, because since I had a restless night sleep, that actually wasn't an issue this day. The real challenge for me this day, was a tweaked left hamstring, which had been plaguing me since the previous weekend. I did go easy on it, the week proceeding the race, but "go easy" is a tricky high wire walk, when you are fighting fibro, as an athlete, who does endurance races. Pushing yourself is the very definition of what we do. So, it was that I found myself learning two lessons that day.
My fitness friend Rose, and I started out well enough. I can not speak for her, but I was a bit off, from the get go. I just had a wicked case of "the nerves." We did the first 5k, as well as we could, with my hamstring "talking" to me on each incline. It was a beautiful park to run in, and the distractions were plenty, but not in the way of other racers, we were alone.
We got through transition quickly and jumped on our bikes. The bike leg was 20 miles, and it was not so much the distance that was the issue, as the hills. Holy God in Heaven, the HILLS! Again, it was a very pretty route, but it was almost all at an incline. The steepness of some hills was amazing enough, but it was that they kept coming in that fashion, which turned out to be my demise. (Note to self, the elevation charts provided by the race organizers, are a VERY useful tool when training.) I was screaming and panting like a woman in labor (thanks to the hamstring) on some of them. I got to the one (we named it "Puke Hill," it was so steep.) I couldn't do it anymore. I got off my bike and stood, deciding how to continue. That's when I heard my first angel's voice from "The Sag Wagon," asking first if I was ok, and then saying, "Don't let this truck defeat you, or influence you in any way. This is your race, you do it your way." So I decided to get through it. I only walked that one hill. I still kept screaming and hollering, and then I reached the half way mark..."well I have to get back now." About one mile from transition, I heard my second angel (a little German man, who came out of now where, riding a hybrid bike, with an orange flag.) He must have seen the pain and anguish on my face, because he said, "There is no pain, there is only glory. Do you see that person in front of you, you can beat them, if you want to." He proceeded to talk me through shifting, and I caught up to "that person in front of me," my race partner Rose, my third, but most important angel. When I got off the bike, my legs where jello, my heart was not in it, I felt that I could not go on. Rose said, "You've got to at least try. Plus, I'm not going home with out a medal for all this." So off we went to tackle the final 5k, walking, some jogging, walking, etc. We actually didn't do that bad, all things considered. And we finished.
This was one of my hardest challenges to date. I am so grateful for my angels. When I had given up on myself, they hadn't. I hope you all have "angel" stories. It helps to know, that people, in this community, are so supportive. It helps me, to keep on keeping on.

I have Fibromyalgia. I have been combating the symptoms (chronic fatigue and pain) of this  auto-immune disorder with exercise and diet. I began with marathoning (a year prior to my 35th birthday, as a gift to myself) to give me a goal, and keep me on track. Because I am very competitive and driven, the training provides a "no excuses" routine for me. Tri-ing was the next step in my journey. I wanted my exercise plan to be more eclectic and wished for the challenge. It has been the right choice. I am more balanced, and recover more quickly. The health, strength, and confidence it gives me is immeasurable. The hardest part about training for the race is finding the time to get all the training in. I am a Mom of two wonderful little girls (6 and 9), a home daycare provider, a girl scout leader/trainer, and a soccer coach. On "bad" days with my condition, I find the ability to push through it, because I am tenacious. I have a separate planner with my scheduled trainings in it. I work with my families schedule, and my work/volunteer schedule to get each days training done, whenever I can. Sometimes this means getting up early, sometimes it means staying up later, often times it means sacrifice, but the payoff is worth it. So far I have completed several 5ks, an 8k, 3 half marathons, a 14 mile trail race, 3 full marathons, and the Iron Girl Triathlon. Every race has helped me feel inspired (by racers, especially ones meeting challenges, and my own desire to overcome my obstacle,) hopeful (I usually get a little emotional,) and accomplished (the culmination of all the hard work.) I am jazzed for the rest of the day (and sometimes into the next week!) This year I challenged myself further ~ Because my "good months" are March - September, I made my goal to do 2 races each month, with a total of 14 for the 7 month period. They include ~ 5ks, 8ks, a 15k, a 21k bike ride, a 33 mile bike ride, a duathlon, 2 triathlons, 2 mud/obstacle runs, and a 1/2 marathon. My motto is, "Because today I can." Do what you are able to, knowing that you can do it, the reward is immeasurable. I do this so I can be a better person, mother, and woman, I am proud to call myself a marathoner, a triathlete, and one tough mama!!


My favorite quote, "You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give." ~E. O. Wilson